I was dancin in the lesbian bar a-woo


Me and Andy went to see Jonathan Richman play a show in The Deaf Institute, Manchester, this past Sunday. It was just him and his geetar, with Tommy Larkin playing on drums. Jonathan stood there in the spotlight with his uniform striped T and those familiar, black cotton Chinese shoes that he always seems to be wearing, and that you can buy from the Chinese market for a few dollars. (I have a pair, and they’re very comfortable.) Jonathan was incredible – still kooky as hell. A little awkward, very childlike and full of smiles for the audience. At one point, I looked around the crowd, and we were all smirking; giggling with delight. Jonathan hadn’t said anything, he was just eyeing up the stragglers, with his wide eyed and goofy, slack jawed grin. There was a spattering of funny, self reflexive interjections from Jonathan, and of course, he whipped out those unforgettable, Latino  / dad-at-disco moves.

This song has gotta be one of my all-time favourite Richman songs. Im just gutted he didn’t play Kookanagan


~ by artmalikwolf on October 13, 2009.

23 Responses to “I was dancin in the lesbian bar a-woo”

  1. And who’s this “Andy” person, eh? Just teasing! You go, girl!

    • hey cousin ted!! havent seen you in aaages!

      • Oh, you know me: I was trapped underground, beneath a jungle controlled by Protestant guerillas for a while, though it wasn’t all bad: I got to dance in a lesbian bar.
        We’ll have to catch up at the reunion: I’ve got plenty to tell you. You’re going, right?

      • thank the lord you survived! sounds dreadful cous’
        Oh ted, of course I’ll be there, wouldnt miss it for the world. who will be your escort for the night?

      • A gentleman like me would never be escorted! The young lady I shall have in attendance with me, however, will be the Princesse des Laumes, a radiant violet if ever you’ve seen one: as beautiful a woman as can be found on two continents of your choice.
        I presume you’ll be bringing this Andy person, yes? I quite look forward to meeting him.

  2. You are bringing a Princess with you? Wow, so that’s who you mingle with these days Ted. You really have gone up in the world. I so glad you managed to shake off that old hoodlum crowd that you mixed with as a youngster. They would have been the end of you. Is it true that you are living in Australia now Ted? It will be a long journey for you huh?

    • I would’ve brought a queen, but, with the financial crisis and all, I couldn’t really afford it. Maybe next time. You were part of that “hoodlum crowd”, if I remember correctly, cousin, so I think congratulations are in order for both of us! I am living in Australia: I’m sitting on a kangaroo right now! It won’t be much of a journey, as I’m now a wizard. What will you be wearing? We should co-ordinate!

  3. not sure yet ted,…ummm… perhaps the psychedelic floral cloak that your mother gave me back in ’68. remember we used to dress up in her clothes when i came to visit?! you always amazed me – even at four you walked so well in your mother’s purple croc skin stilettos. not sure if andy will make it after all that. is it ok if i tag along with you two?

    • A cloak with nothing else is very daring, but it is a family reunion after all, and if anyone can pull it off, I think it’s you. Ah, just thinking of that cloak brings back a flood of memories: me wearing it, you wearing it, me and you wearing it together, eating cheese sandwiches; and I must thank you for your kind words about my abilities to walk in high-heeled shoes, which I still practise every day. I hope you’re still able to grow that fine moustache you had when you yourself were aged four. I might even pull out some stilettos for the occasion, and of course you can come with us! We’d be delighted to spend the evening with you. I’ve never told you this before, but you’re my favourite cousin.

  4. thanks teddie, but please please dont bring up the mustache again!! mother made me shave it off a few years back and it has not grown back since. i miss it dearly – it gave me a…refined air, I think.
    actually, I have tried to grow other facial hair in the last few months. for a while I had a beard but it looked more like pubic hair than facial growth. I have a fine pair of side burns at present circa 1964. you must see them. I think they will bring out the greens and purples of my cloak . x

    • Darling, I can’t wait to see your side burns! I’m sure it will be one of the highlights of my evening, if not my life! Speaking of facial hair, the lovely Princesse des Laumes and I will have matching “Van Dyk” beards, which I think will look quite fetching: symmetry, you know. I trust your mother will be there; she and I go way back: in fact, I’m your father! It all happened in 1946, as we were both acquainted with Albert Hofmann and he said “Hey guys, have some of this water!” and giggled, but, both of us being parched from our march through the desert on the way to destroying Rommel, partook gladly. Decency prevents me from expounding the rest of the tale, but let’s just say its result was you, and I couldn’t be prouder. Much love to you, my dear.
      Your cousin Dad

  5. father!! All this time has passed and I had thought that Frederick was my father! oh, I dont know how to react. I mean, shouldnt you have written, or called, or something? Now the whole world can read about my lost history on line. and that more than upsets me.
    But I guess I am intrigued by the story. You must know that Frederick brought me up to believe that I had been found in the woods, in a pile of twigs and fur and feathers. A pack of wolves lying beside me. He said , though I was young, perhaps one yr old, I had a distinctly feral voice, I howled and barked and scratched at the ground. i licked my hands as though they were paws. Father said that I was fed by the mother wolf – she having taken me on as her own cub. in fact, Freddy saw me suckling on her teets. he said it was an incredibly moving experience. of course Freddy was not my father by birth. He adopted me shortly after he had found me. He and Mimi raised me as their own. But I had no idea that you – YOU are my father!! Please daddy, explain the rest of the story, so I know who I am and where I have come from. yours lovingly, xx

    • Now we know where your liking for Animal Collective comes from!
      I’m sorry to’ve upset you, my dear, but I just felt that the time was right to tell you the truth, and unfortunately this was the only medium available to me at that right time to express it.
      I know the story Frederick told you very well, for that’s how I found your mother all those years ago, though, in that case, instead of adopting her, I married her. A slightly unorthodox move, marrying a one year old paw licker, I’ll agree now, but this was the ’60s, man! We didn’t care about ages (unless a person was too old: that was a drag, man), age is just a number, so I took her as my wife.
      We lived in connubial bliss until I took your mother into society one evening in 1834 and she promptly humiliated me by licking her hands clean after eating some fine beluga caviar with them. I consulted with Sigmund Freud, just a whip of a lad at the time, and he said that she had “regressed to her animal state”, which he assured me was a form of progress. After a few years of intensive psychotherapy, she was cured, and I was happy again, for it pained me deeply to see your mother distressed. We made our triumphant return to society after Rommel had been defeated, during which we saw Dr. Hofmann, as mentioned previously, and he plied us with “water”. ‘Twas approximately nine months after this evening that you were born, and I was affected with a disease of the kidneys, and, fearing that I had not much time to live, I decided that it would be best for Frederick and your mother to be your parents, than for you to grow up without a father. I recovered well from my disease, and have always regretted my decision somewhat, though I still know that it was the right thing to do for both of us at the time, and haven’t told you about it until now, since I can see that you have grown into a mature young woman.
      Lovingly yours. xx

  6. Teddy! Oh Teddy! Look who it is!


    I remember visiting Grey Gardens when we were 7 or 8. Do you remember?

    • Yes, of course! I was seven and you were eight! Little Edie greeted us from atop a ladder, if I recall, and Big Edie said you reminded her of a young Coco Chanel (we won’t go into who I reminded her of!). A lovely day was had by all, except for my little brother, who was eaten by a whale.

      • ted! sorry ive been off the radar for so long. happy new year to you good sir! X

  7. my dear, my dear, i thought you were dead after you missed the reunion! i’m rather pleased to see that you’re now not. thanks for the well wishes. what’ve you been up to?

  8. oh you know teddy, this and that. Pedro and I climbed Everest on Sunday. My feet were so sore after the walk, that the doctor suggested I stay off them for an entire month! So I’m stuck on this darned couch watching the world float past my window. Which isnt all that bad to be honest teddy, as I’ve been watching old movies all day, every day. Just finished the box set of John Cassavetes and I think I’ll be moving onto some Kinski tomorrow. Any movies you’d care to recommend darling boy?

    • you know your old cousin/dad. he just likes a good romantic comedy WITH PLENTY OF BLOOD AND GUTS! so, you know, anything by cassavetes or kinski would probably work, though i’ve never seen their films
      it’s a shocking coincidence about everest. i was there on saturday! it’d be a really nice view from the top if there was anything to see, i thought. you really must wear shoes next time you summit the summit!

  9. p.s I wish you’d put a picture of yourself on here dear Teddy. Im having trouble recalling your darling face! Plus we lost all those family photographs during that infamous crossing to the West Indies, and, alas, my memory is fading, thanks to old age and my taste for a certain brand of whiskey

    • no daughter of mine is going to have a picture of me for as long as i live! plus memories will be all you have because i now have no face. im still dashing, just in a different way. to sate your appetite for a ted picture, see here: http://hiscrivener.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/ted-haggard-loser.jpg
      on my way back from everest i made a rocket ship and flew to africa, hoping to see some samurai, but apparently they’re in japan, so i just went home and dismantled my rocket ship so that such a mistake could never happen again

  10. How was Africa dear? I hear they have a lot of interesting wild animals over there. I once ate wild boar, shipped over from Africa, though I’m not sure which game reserve it was shot on. It was as fresh as they come, very bloody and incredibly tasty. you must try zebra flesh, quite the delicacy.
    That rocket ship of yours sounds fascinating Ted! Alexandro once built a jet pack and we tested it out in mama’s garden. oh, it was a hoot! honestly! who’d have thought Alexandro, all 70 stone of him, could go up into the sky at such a rate, and so high he went too! I did feel terrible for the poor bugger as he landed in the monkey puzzle tree in next door’s garden and suffered quite a few sharp pricks to his ass. Id dont know if he ever recovered from the shame of it

    • africa, africa, the things i could and could not say about that particular continent. i worked for mr. kurtz for a short time harvesting ivory, but had to retire when my bottom half was eaten by a tiger (apparently tigers dont enjoy their ivory being taken). actually, speaking of zebras, a native rascal sold me what he said was zebra but which later revealed itself to be green monkey! i tried to get a refund but he riposted with “it’s too late: youve already turned into a monkey, and what need have monkeys for money?”. i was forced to agree with him, after which i picked nits off my travel companion. i look forward to you cooking me some wild boar when i come to visit!
      do i know this alexandro character? if it’s the one im thinking of, he’s done well to get down to 70 stone! i must shake his hand next time i see him, and take him out for a large buffet dinner
      when’s your wedding?

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